i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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