That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they call him Oral-B. enough said
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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