She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
