i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
