Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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