Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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