we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
