I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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