oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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