Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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