So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
