am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
