So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
