And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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