please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
