Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We have started to decorate penises.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
