My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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