Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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