just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize