My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
