i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
