the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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