I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
