My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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