I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
