you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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