Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
