Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
