Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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