i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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