You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
