I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
