Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
