i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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