nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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