Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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