my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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