dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
