I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
