Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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