glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
