Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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