I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize