Say something about gay babies.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
