I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
