but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
