somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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