I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
