You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
