so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
