You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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