he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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