Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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