Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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