Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
send nudes
from the living room?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
