watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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