What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
