No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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