I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
