before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
