We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
