which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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