Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
