Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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