She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
