two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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