The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
