He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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