i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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