I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
