With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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