I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So many bounce houses so little time
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
